#pov i don’t want to forget this(!)
Right now is 4AM. Today, I had my alarm set this early for a medical appointment. Traffic can be very unpredictable, so we had to leave some hefty allowance in case it gets worse than usual.
We leave in two hours, but while the morning is young, I had to write. It’s also something I promised for 2025 by the way, to write more. I had the same goal last year for better introspection, but I failed. I had work, I had socials, I had so much distractions most probably that I just wasn’t able to do it.
I would have started working by now, just cause I have time, but I didn’t. I had a dream so clear I thought it was real. Well, it was real - my sister was still young then, her skin still baby soft, but I cannot go further into details without bawling my eyes out so I am choosing not to and stopping here, lol.
I realized, this is where I’m at now - old, I guess?
I know one day there’ll be flashbacks or rare moments of vividly remembering the past, and it’s gonna hurt. Cause by then, they’ll be just memories - scents you can’t smell back but you loved so much, details you won’t be able to recap on your own cause you annoyingly just can’t anymore. Unless you’re Doctor Strange, it’s just a space in time you can’t go back to, even if you’d willingly exchange a life to just be able to return to it.
This wasn’t me before. I would be able to recall even the littlest details. But now, what happened last week, I won’t be able to tell you anymore. I just know, but there won’t be much more to it. If we’re speaking of depth, it’d be very shallow. My mind just doesn’t return it in full color like before.
I remember celebrating one of our wedding anniversaries. With an unobstructed view of Taal, while staring, I was repeating to myself over and over “I do not want to forget this”. I did not. But how unique that moment hit, how peaceful everything was, how my husband’s warmth felt that morning - none. It’s now just a picture of Taal in my head without much details other than it’s an anniversary celebration.
Should I take more photographs? Should I take videos more often instead? How much storage does a person’s brain have? How much can it hold in an average person’s lifetime? How much more can mine hold without throwing the older memories away in a bin? Honestly, I would like an upgrade.