#pov my journey to “pretty”.
Not to the point of body dysmorphia, but not many know how I could be the worst critic of myself. There are days when I feel pretty, super ecstatic that I think I photograph well, but almost all the time, I do not like how I look at all.
Over time I’ve learned to teach myself to accept that I was born this way - short, unattractive and ugly. That I could probably just be better off behind the camera, taking everyone else’s photos and not allowing someone else to take mine, cause it’s just gonna come out bad anyway. That it’s probably not worth it to try hard looking my best, cause other girls are way prettier and put up than I am. I’ll end up looking like who knows what anyway, so why put any effort at all?
As soon as all these thoughts became part of me, when I actually thought I started not caring, surprisingly, I still find myself comparing hard at times.
Nope, it wouldn’t go away. This was when I realized how something has to change in me. The goal wasn’t to stop caring, but to start loving myself more, at least gradually if I can’t do it all at once. This was common sense, but I wasn’t accepting what needed to be done at first; not until, well, my husband.
He’s always been very vocal, and would always tell me that I am beautiful - bathed or not, dressed up or not, sleeping or awake lol. As you can imagine, I would always dismiss the compliments, and would often ask him “Why do you still love me?”. He’s as much of a broken record as I am.
I won’t go into the tiny sweet details but little by little, with his consistency and persuasiveness, I started seeing myself in a different light - a much better one. No, of course you don’t need someone else to validate your pretty existence. But, these helped, at least in my case. If you ever wonder why being blessed with the right partner matters, this is one “why”. The right one will pull you up, over and over.
So before this entirely becomes an appreciation post lol, here’s a photo he took from our recent trip to Vietnam where I think I’m making progress being captured decently, not looking like something that’s not human!! Plus the blessing, my husband.
Love yourself, it’s gonna work out. Take it day by day. Hey, I’m still miles away! But progress is always beautiful. ♥