#pov i lost my wonder.
…or so I thought.
Let me tell you what I saw on one of our drives home: clear, well-lit blue skies; the sun beaming just right, subtly covered, not out too hot or too bright; huge white clouds side by side like chunks; a backdrop of surrounding green mountains; the express road with cars to our left and right; and my husband driving at a chill pace, with our stereo on playing Toto. Can you tell how it was one fine day?
All these, yet I sat unfazed, with only one thing in mind — just to get home. Maybe flop onto the sofa in my usual spot.
I’ve always wanted to keep it a conscious goal to never lose my “wonder” — my curiosity, my love for things occurring naturally, my eye for little details, the child in me. Why did it suddenly feel like it had left me? Clouds used to be such a beauty for me. I’d look for figures! Mountains, the ones I kept drawing over and over, now, just existed.
Mountains and clouds… like butterflies and paper boats, they feel like life’s terrains I traveled decades ago. And maybe because of that, I look past them now, too busy unlocking yet new terrains (wait, life really is a journey!) Like rainbows — I’ve known them for so long that seeing one now doesn’t tug at me the way it once did. The joy, the wondering, the wanting to know more, faded. And oh boy, realizing doesn’t at all feel good!
Must this be how growing old feels — outgrowing, forgetting? What did you love as a child? And how do you feel when you see or do those things now?
That drive home could have been lighter, more joyful, if I had brought with me more gratitude and appreciation. If I had let my mind wander and rediscover. Like a child with unbounded imagination and endless eagerness to learn. I hope that despite growing, we never lose those eyes.
Thinking about it more though, maybe I never really lost my love for the familiar — all my “I-know-that’s” and “nothing-new-to-it’s.” Life has just gotten busier, balancing work, relationships, and trying to find myself again at the end of each stacked day.
And maybe, with so many terrains already unlocked, what I thought I lost, I’m only seeing now with a different, more knowledgeable perspective:
I still love rainbows — but I don’t ask where the leprechaun is anymore. I used to see them as bridges or slides, imagining a treasure pot at the end. Now I see spectrums of color and marvel at light and reflections.
I still love clouds — but I no longer daydream about bouncing on them, because I know that’s definitely a dumb way to die lol. Instead, the fact that they float at all leaves me in awe.
I still love paper boats — especially when they drift across puddles in the rain. I may not fold them as often, but if I do, I’d probably build sturdier boats now, ones that would last longer in the water.
I still love drives home — but I’m no longer squeezed between the driver and passenger seat, peeking at the road while my mama and papa drove. Now, I see the road home from the passenger seat, with my husband driving. Yes, that once little girl is now, married.
Isn’t it amazing how we go through life in so many perspectives and phases?
I may have lost the little girl’s seat and view, but I’m still that little girl — just a little taller now, seated differently, still watching and wandering through life.
Maybe try to see the world anew with that little you? Keep her eyes, keep her wonder. ✨